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Aw, you're all Mr. Grumpy Face today. I'm the Doctor. Well, they call me the Doctor. I don't know why. I call me the Doctor too. I still don't know why. It's a fez. I wear a fez now. Fezes are cool. Stop talking, brain thinking. Hush.

It's a fez. I wear a fez now. Fezes are cool. It's art! A statement on modern society, 'Oh Ain't Modern Society Awful?'! Stop talking, brain thinking. Hush. Did I mention we have comfy chairs? I'm nobody's taxi service; I'm not gonna be there to catch you every time you feel like jumping out of a spaceship.

It's art! A statement on modern society, 'Oh Ain't Modern Society Awful?'! Stop talking, brain thinking. Hush. I'm nobody's taxi service; I'm not gonna be there to catch you every time you feel like jumping out of a spaceship.

It's a fez. I wear a fez now. Fezes are cool. No, I'll fix it. I'm good at fixing rot. Call me the Rotmeister. No, I'm the Doctor. Don't call me the Rotmeister. All I've got to do is pass as an ordinary human being. Simple. What could possibly go wrong?

You know when grown-ups tell you 'everything's going to be fine' and you think they're probably lying to make you feel better? No… It's a thing; it's like a plan, but with more greatness. It's art! A statement on modern society, 'Oh Ain't Modern Society Awful?'!

You hit me with a cricket bat. It's art! A statement on modern society, 'Oh Ain't Modern Society Awful?'! Annihilate? No. No violence. I won't stand for it. Not now, not ever, do you understand me?! I'm the Doctor, the Oncoming Storm - and you basically meant beat them in a football match, didn't you?

It's a fez. I wear a fez now. Fezes are cool. Stop talking, brain thinking. Hush. Aw, you're all Mr. Grumpy Face today. Heh-haa! Super squeaky bum time! No, I'll fix it. I'm good at fixing rot. Call me the Rotmeister. No, I'm the Doctor. Don't call me the Rotmeister.

Aw, you're all Mr. Grumpy Face today. You hate me; you want to kill me! Well, go on! Kill me! KILL ME! I hate yogurt. It's just stuff with bits in. Sorry, checking all the water in this area; there's an escaped fish.

I'm nobody's taxi service; I'm not gonna be there to catch you every time you feel like jumping out of a spaceship. Stop talking, brain thinking. Hush. You've swallowed a planet! No… It's a thing; it's like a plan, but with more greatness.

Stop talking, brain thinking. Hush. The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things.…hey.…the good things don't always soften the bad things; but vice-versa the bad things don't necessarily spoil the good things and make them unimportant.

You hate me; you want to kill me! Well, go on! Kill me! KILL ME! I'm nobody's taxi service; I'm not gonna be there to catch you every time you feel like jumping out of a spaceship. Father Christmas. Santa Claus. Or as I've always known him: Jeff.